Burning Anger
by InfinityAndOne
Summary: [Multi-Chapter, Completed] Scenes with various staff members taking the brunt of Ethan's anger in the wake of Cal's death. Based off a Tumblr post by @millionsbyname.
1. Connie

A/N: I think a bit of an explanation is needed here. There was a post on Tumblr by a blogger called millionsbyname, which stated a load of lines they wanted a rageful Ethan to say to staff members in the coming weeks. This is my interpretation of it, making the lines (which will be written at the bottom) into small scenes. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Connie

"Why aren't you doing anything?!" Ethan shouted. "You should be out _there_ looking for my brother's _murderer_! Not in here asking me more questions!"

The rage was bubbling inside him. It had been from the moment the police officers approached him again, asking for a word... again. It wouldn't do anything. Ethan didn't know anything! All he knew was his brother was dead and no one was doing anything about it!

"Ethan, maybe we should take this to my office," Charlie suggested, hands up like he was approaching a wild animal.

"What good is that going to do? Cal's killer isn't going to be in there, you know, Charlie." He turned back to the officers. "And he's not just going to walk into reception either. You're not going to catch him _here_!"

Then Connie stood forward from the gathering crowd of staff members and patients alike. "Ethan. Look, take this into Charlie's office, okay? We'll sort it out in there."

Ethan grabbed fistfuls of his hair in anger. "Cal's dead and no one is doing anything about it!"

"Calm down, Ethan. This isn't helping."

Ethan stared at Connie with such rage his eyes could have burned through her. He was literally shaking with anger and his voice was shaking as he spoke. "With all due respect Mrs Beauchamp it wasn't your family member they stabbed to death on our doorstep!"

"I understand t-"

"No, you don't! No-one does!"

Alicia came to him. "Ethan-" she began.

"Leave me alone."

And he walked out without another word. If the police weren't going to find the embodiment of evil, Ethan would.

* * *

 _With all due respect Mrs Beauchamp it wasn't your family member they stabbed to death on our doorstep!_


	2. Sam

Sam

"Come on, you need a drink."

Ethan allowed himself to be led by Alicia from his car and into the pub. While a drink sounded enticing, as soon as he stepped over the threshold of the Hope and Anchor, he was flooded with memories. Of his brother. Of when they had a drink together. Of the night when... He was in _this very pub_ when Cal was bleeding out. When Cal was dying. When Cal _died_.

"I'll order," she said softly. "You go and sit down, okay?" She rubbed his arm carefully as if he might break, and he went and found a seat.

He closed his eyes and rested his head back against the seat, trying to breathe deeply as the day caught up with him.

 _God,_ he was tired.

Someone cleared their throat, and Ethan cracked his eyes open. In front of him stood Sam. _Sam Strachan_ was stood awkwardly in front of him.

"Um, I just wanted to say, I'm sorry. For your loss. Your brother had a bright future ahead of him."

And then the tiredness was gone. Ethan sat up straight and his heart filled with hatred. How _dare_ Sam Strachan say that to him after everything he did. A _bright future_? He was the one who took him _off_ his surgical rotation.

"My brother hated what you were doing and how you were going about it so you can take your condolences and shove them."

Sam looked suitably abashed. He turned and left with only a nod of his head and a sad look in his eyes.

And right now Ethan didn't _fucking care_ what Sam Strachan was feeling. His brother was dead.

* * *

 _My brother hated what you were doing and how you were going about it so you can take your condolences and shove them._


	3. Dylan

Dylan

Ethan leant lethargically against the lockers, tapping Cal's locker key against them and preparing himself to open it. He tried to make light of the situation - Cal probably had Ethan's deodorant and possibly a few other things of Ethan's so Ethan would get them back.

But if he had his brother back, Ethan wouldn't ever want those things. Cal could keep them and have more if he wanted. He would do anything to get his brother back.

It had only been two weeks, but without his brother, it felt like a lifetime. And it surprised him, really. They had been apart for years without more than a few words exchanged with each other. Until Cal came back to Holby... and now they've been ripped apart again.

And Cal's not coming home this time.

"Would you like a hand?" came from behind him. He turned to see Elle by the doorway, looking at him with that _God-awful_ sad look everyone had when they looked at him.

Even Dylan had it, and his seemed even worse than everyone else's. According to Connie, he found Cal. Dylan found his dying brother. And although they couldn't save him, he would forever he grateful. At least Cal died surrounded by friends...

...even if he wasn't with his brother.

"Ethan?"

"Yes. Sorry. Um, no thank you. I'm... fine. Thank you."

Elle smiled that sad smile that Ethan was tired of seeing. "I'm always here if you... want to talk."

Ethan found it surprising really. He'd heard that a lot, from a lot of people who would never have said it usually. It didn't help. How could he ever go to someone about _this_ when no-one understood?

Ethan nodded his head gratefully, which let some of the tears, he didn't even know he'd been holding back, fall. He wiped them away hastily.

"Sorry."

She shook her head, "don't apologise, Ethan." She stepped forward like she was bracing herself to say something.

But Ethan turned around and slid Cal's locker key into his locker. He could have laughed at what he saw in there. His eyes scanned through everything.

Yes, his deodorant was in there. But two of them. _So that's where they went_. And then there was a spare asthma pump. Ethan hadn't had a flare up since he was a kid... but the thought of Cal having it there made more tears spill down his cheeks. Then there were two photographs stuck to the door. One of Cal, Matilda and Ethan, and another of Cal, Emilie and Ethan. _Oh, Cal. You're becoming as sentimental as me_... _oh_. _Be_ came.

And then there were his spare glasses. The black, thick framed, rectangular ones that Cal always teased Ethan about. Ethan picked them up and looked at them, feeling their familiar weight.

 _Oh, Cal. You never stopped being my big brother_.

"Cal was very brave, you know."

Ethan spun around at the sound of Elle's voice again. "

"When he... he was very brave. And he loved you, so much."

Ethan didn't respond. He felt a blockage in his throat, and it wasn't from the tears. He managed a strangled, "what?"

"I just... thought you wanted to know. He asked for you... right at the end. He was so, so brave. And he loved you."

Ethan didn't want to hear this. He _couldn'tcouldn'tcouldn't_. But he had to.

"What did he... what did he say?"

More tears fell.

"I don't know what he said when he was... found... but he asked for you. When we were treating him. He asked for you."

The glasses fell from his hand. He had spent this _whole bloody time_ believing his brother died peacefully and without pain.

But he didn't. He was in pain. He wanted Ethan. He was conscious and probably scared and _he_ _wanted Ethan_.

Dylan lied to him.

And that's all he was focused on when he stormed out of the staffroom, uncaring of Elle, and rushed to find Dylan.

His feet and hands and body moved on their own accord and suddenly he found himself being pulled off Dylan after pinning him to a wall.

"You lied to me!" he screamed, being held back by Max and Charlie. His voice took a dangerous tone. An animalistic tone. "You lied to me. You lied to me about his dying moments. He asked for me didn't he?"

He wasn't prepared, when he finally focused on Dylan's face properly, to see it. Dylan looked _scared_.

But it didn't deter Ethan.

"I want to know what he said Dylan and I want to know it _now_!"

Dylan couldn't get the words out and Ethan was pulled back further when he went to lunge at Dylan again.

"Ethan, my office," Connie barked from behind him.

But Ethan was only focused on the man stood in front of him. The _fucking liar_.

"Now!"

He slid out of the grip of the people holding him back and spun around to Connie. "He lied to me! My brother asked for me! He was scared and in pain and _conscious_ and he lied!"

Dylan found his voice. "To save you the pain of it!" he shouted back.

"What more pain could I feel?!" he screamed. "It's alright for you. You didn't even _like_ Cal! Newsflash, Dylan. He's my brother!"

And just like that, Dylan snapped. "But I promised him he wouldn't die."

Ethan's whole world crashed down right there and then when he realised what he'd done. He fell to his knees, in the middle of reception, and cried.

And he wasn't the only one.

* * *

 _You lied to me. You lied to me about his dying moments, he asked for me didn't he, i want to know what he said Dylan and I want to know it NOW!_


	4. Charlie

Charlie

Ethan punched the wall. And then he punched it again. And he kept on punching it, not caring of the crimson now staining it or the paintwork flaking away. He didn't care. He didn't _fucking care_ anymore because Cal was dead and it had been _five fucking weeks_ and Cal's killer hadn't been found.

Then he was pulled back and dragged to the sofa. He was handed a tissue and there was an arm around his shoulders.

He was crying?

No, he realised. He was full-on sobbing and screaming. He wanted to punch something. He wanted to punch something so hard that his hand broke and his arm broke and his shoulder dislocated so maybe he could experience even _half_ the pain Cal did. Because he didn't care anymore.

He looked to the right of him, and through blurry eyes saw Charlie trying to comfort him and treat his hand.

"It's okay, Ethan. We'll sort this out."

Ethan wanted to tell him to go away and get out, but he didn't have the strength. So he just cried. He pulled away from Charlie and shrunk into the sofa and _cried_.

He didn't know how long it took for the crying to stop. But he'd run out of tears and the little energy he had left from his morning caffeine fix. He vaguely registered Charlie making tea, but he just wanted him to go. He didn't need Charlie, he didn't need _anyone_ anymore.

The only person he ever needed was Cal and Cal was _dead._

Charlie sat next to him, with two steaming cups of tea. "Look, why don't you drink your tea and we'll talk. About anything."

Ethan didn't even sit up. His voice was dull and his brain was numbed and all he wanted to do was sleep. Somewhere within him, he found the words and the energy to finally deal with the nurse sitting next to him. "I'm not my brother, I don't need your emotional advice, alright Charlie? Let me deal with this how I want to deal with this and keep out of it."

"Even if it means destroying the staffroom walls?" He laughed slightly.

He _fucking what_?

"I don't know how you think you _laugh_ when my brother is lying in a mortuary!" he shouted as he stood up.

"Ethan..."

"Leave me alone! For God's sake, just leave me alone!"

And although Ethan wanted it and he _got it_ , now he felt more alone than ever.

* * *

 _I'm not my brother I don't need your emotional advice alright Charlie, let me deal with this how I want to deal with this and keep out of it._


	5. Jez

Jez

Ethan saw them and was disgusted. He was all for fair treatment to a family of a murderer because they weren't the murderer, but to see Jez kissing Scott Ellison's fucking brother... that was as good as kissing a murderer.

He saw red. Without even stopping to think, Ethan stormed over to the pair, dragged Mickey off Jez, and punched him square in the jaw.

The relief came from two things. That was Scott Ellison's brother, and Cal taught him how to punch like that.

It was like a big _Fuck You_ , in flashing lights, from Cal.

"What the hell, man?!" Jez exclaimed as he helped Mickey up from the floor and stood protectively in front of him, fire blazing in his eyes.

"You're defending him, you're _kissing_ him after what his brother did to Cal?" he shouted.

"Hey, we don't even know it was Scott."

Ethan clenched his fists at the side. If Jez wasn't careful, he would soon be getting a black eye. "Of course it was! And this is his _brother_! This is the brother and son of racists and murderers and you're kissing him!"

From behind Jez, Mickey sneered at him. Ethan was ready to punch him again when Jez pushed him back.

"Lay off, Ethan. Stop being such a child."

Ethan shook his head furiously, defiantly.

Jez hesitated. "Cal wouldn't want this. This isn't like you."

That was the final straw. "If you think I'm going to stand by and let my brother's murderer and his family walk away unpunished then you don't know me or anything about me." He turned his attention back to Mickey. "If I were you, I'd tell that brother of yours to be careful."

And then he walked off, the threat hanging in the air.

* * *

 _If you think I'm going to stand by and let my brother's murderer and his family walk away unpunished then you don't know me or anything about me._


	6. Alicia and Lily

Alicia + Lily (yep, in the same scene)

"You shouldn't have done that," Lily said as she started to bandage up his hand. "Mickey's done nothing wrong. And there's no actual _proof_ that it was Scott."

Ethan jumped up from the cubicle bed he'd been sat on since Alicia and Lily had dragged him away from Cal's bench... where he also had a bleeding hand (and it's not the first time either of them had found him like that).

Lily raised her hands. "I'm not saying it _wasn't_ him. But there is someone out there who did... kill Cal. But you can't go around punching people until they catch them."

Ethan was trembling. "Whoever it is, they killed my brother, Lily. They took him away from me. Someone has to pay for that okay?" He paced the room. "Someone has to pay," he growled.

"I haven't finished your han-"

"Someone... out there. Someone _killed_ my brother. And before you tell me it wasn't, of course, it was _Scott_! Who else would it be?"

For the first time in a while, Alicia spoke. "That doesn't mean you can punch his brother. There are... better ways to deal with this, you know."

Ethan clenched his fists hard, making the grazes on his knuckles from where he's punched _numerous_ things open again. Droplets of blood leaked from them.

"You need _time_ , Ethan. Time to grieve properly. Without laying into something or... or _someone_. I know you're hurting, Ethan. I get i-"

"You think you have the right to tell me how to grieve for my brother? You still have all of your family, Alicia, so excuse me if I'm questioning your ability to relate," he spat.

"No, I-"

"Save it. Both of you. I'm sick of this! No-one, _no-one_ knows how this feels! I wish everyone would just leave me alone!"

But all he wanted, all he _really_ wanted was for someone to properly understand.

He just felt _so alone_.

* * *

 _To Alicia: You think you have the right to tell me how to grieve for my brother? You still have all of your family Alicia so excuse me if I'm questioning your ability to relate._

 _To Lily: They killed my brother Lily. They took him away from me. Someone has to pay for that ok? Someone has to pay._


	7. Everyone and No-One

To the entire hospital who are getting on with stuff and ignoring the fact that Cal is dead

It seemed like normal. It looked like everyone was just... _carrying on_. And that hurt. Cal, a colleague and a friend, was stabbed outside the ED and died in the ED, in resus, in Bay 4, seemed to be forgotten.

He stood and stared at Bay 4 as the world blurred around him. This was becoming a common occurrence for him now. Standing at staring at the place where he'd seen Cal's cold, pale and _dead_ body lie. Eventually, someone would always have to drag him out and get him out of the bubble he found himself in.

And it was happening again. He was in his own disconnected reality. Stood in resus, staring at Bay 4.

But this time, when someone tried to pull him away, he wasn't going to take it. Cal was _dead_ and no-one seemed to _care_.

"Ethan, come on. You have to get out of here."

That was Charlie. It was mostly always Charlie. Sometimes it was Connie, or Dylan, or Jacob or even Max. Sometimes it was Elle, or David, Lily or Alicia. Once it was Louise.

But it never mattered. Because it was never Cal.

"No," he mumbled.

"Dr Hardy." The use of that name brought him fully out of his trance. He turned around and saw Connie. "Please. You can't be in here."

"My brother died in here. You... you don't understand. I _need_ to be here."

Her eyes softened. When he looked behind here, outside the resus doors, he saw the usual crowd of his colleagues. Concerned, worried... but not sad. Never sad because it was like Cal had just disappeared.

"I know you do, Ethan. But this is a hospital. This is resus."

She was speaking to him like a child. And perhaps that's what he had become in their eyes. But he wasn't. When he was a child, he had Cal.

But Cal was dead now. Ethan was all alone.

"Ethan." It was Jacob who spoke now. It wasn't rough or threatening. It was soft, harmless. He approached him. "Come on, we have to go now."

"No. No, no, no, no, no!"

He sounded like a petulant child. He knew he did. But Cal _died_ in here. Ethan wasn't there, but he could be now.

"Ethan... there are patients in this hospital. You're causing a sce-"

That was it. "Oh, my apologies, am I causing a scene? My brother had his life taken in this place, so you'll excuse me if YOU'LL ALLOW ME A SCENE!" He spun back around to walk over to the empty Bay 4.

His knees buckled and he fell with a thump. But he felt no pain.

He started crying, howling almost.

"Let's get you out of here, Ethan." Charlie knelt beside him. "Come on."

"I don't want to be here!"

Charlie rubbed his back soothingly. "Let's go. Come with me, and we'll go."

"No! You don't understand!" he screamed hoarsely.

"So help me understand, Ethan. Help _us_ understand."

"I want to be with him, Charlie. I want to be with my brother!"

He sobbed as he fell against Charlie weakly, everything finally catching up with him.

 _I miss you_ , _Cal. I love you._

* * *

 _Oh my apologies am I causing a scene? My brother had his life taken in this place, so you'll excuse me if YOU'LL ALLOW ME A SCENE!_


End file.
